6 min read
BY ALEEYA HACHEM | SEXOLOGIST AND FERTILITY COUNSELLOR | @GREAT.SEXPECTATIONS
Breastfeeding is a deeply personal and sometimes complex journey for many new mothers. Beyond the well-documented physical and emotional benefits for both mother and baby, breastfeeding also impacts a woman's sexual health and intimacy in ways that are often less discussed. As a sexologist, I believe it's important to create space for open conversations around how breastfeeding can influence sexual desire, body image, intimacy, and overall sexuality. Let’s dive in!
Hormonal Shifts and Their Effects
The hormonal landscape of a breastfeeding mother’s body undergoes dramatic changes, which can have a significant effect on her sex drive. During breastfeeding, the hormone prolactin increases to stimulate milk production. While prolactin is essential for breastfeeding, it also suppresses ovulation, which can lead to a decrease in estrogen and testosterone—two hormones that play vital roles in sexual desire and arousal. Low estrogen levels can lead to vaginal dryness, which may result in discomfort during sex.
For many breastfeeding women, this hormonal shift can contribute to a lower libido, which is entirely normal. It’s important to normalise these experiences as part of a biological process rather than a reflection of one's relationship or sexual self.
The Physical Demands of Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is a demanding process. New mothers are often physically exhausted and may struggle with sleep deprivation, leaving little energy (or headspace) for intimacy. The physical changes to the breasts—often a key source of sexual pleasure—can also impact how a woman feels about her body. Some women find their breasts overly sensitive or even painful during breastfeeding, while others may feel self-conscious about their changing appearance.
Leaky breasts, sore nipples, or breast engorgement can make sexual touch less desirable or enjoyable. For others, breasts that have been primarily a source of nourishment for their baby may lose their previous sexual connotations, which can take some time to navigate with a partner.
Shifts in Body Image and Self-Perception
Body image plays a significant role in sexuality. Many new mothers experience changes in how they see their bodies during and after breastfeeding. Stretch marks, changes in breast shape, or weight fluctuations may impact a woman’s self-esteem. Some may feel disconnected from their sexual identity, particularly if they view their body primarily as nurturing and maternal. It’s common to feel less "sexy" when you're focused on providing for your child, and these feelings can create anxiety around intimacy.
As a sexologist, I encourage open, compassionate communication with partners about these body image struggles. Understanding and patience from both partners can alleviate pressure and insecurity, creating a more supportive environment for the sexual connection to evolve naturally.
Emotional and Psychological Factors
Breastfeeding can also bring about emotional complexities related to intimacy. Many mothers report feeling touched out after a long day of constant physical contact with their baby, making the idea of more physical intimacy with a partner less appealing. The emotional exhaustion of adjusting to motherhood and the demands of breastfeeding can sometimes lead to a sense of disconnect in relationships, leaving little room for sexual desire.
However, it’s important to remember that these feelings are often temporary. The breastfeeding phase is unique, and a woman’s sexual response typically returns to her baseline over time as hormonal levels normalise, and both she and her partner adjust to their new roles.
Finding a New Sexual Normal
Every woman’s experience is unique, and there is no “right” timeline for when desire, pleasure, or sexual confidence returns after childbirth and breastfeeding. For some, sexual activity may take a backseat for a time, while for others, exploring new forms of intimacy and connection with their partner can enhance the relationship.
Communication is key during this transition. Partners should strive to create a non-judgmental space for expressing needs and desires, without placing pressure on performance or frequency of sex. Simple acts of physical affection, such as cuddling, handholding, or massage, can provide intimacy without the expectation of penetration, helping to strengthen the emotional bond in the relationship.
Some couples find it helpful to explore other forms of intimacy, such as sensual touch or non-penetrative sexual activities while waiting for libido and comfort with penetration to return. Using lubricants can also help alleviate vaginal dryness due to lower estrogen levels, making sex feel more comfortable.
The journey of breastfeeding, with all its challenges and rewards, brings about significant changes in a woman's sexual health. These shifts in libido, body image, and intimacy are normal, and with open communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to explore new ways of connecting, couples can maintain a fulfilling sexual relationship.
For many women, the key is patience and recognising that sexuality is fluid and ever-changing, especially during life transitions like breastfeeding. It’s okay to take things slowly and redefine intimacy in comfortable and supportive ways. In time, many mothers find their sexual confidence and pleasure returning as their bodies and minds adjust to the postpartum phase.
If you’re struggling with these changes, don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a healthcare provider or sexologist to help navigate this important part of your life. Every woman deserves to feel empowered in her sexuality—at every stage of life.